My Mom and Dad taught me nearly everything that I hold as a good standard and that I practice today.
My mom taught me how to recover from loss. My father taught me how to strive to change for the better. My parents showed me how to stand firm through adversity and to be patient and wait till it’s over even if it takes years.
My mom and dad showed me how to stand the loss of a child. They taught me how to grieve and how to recover.
My parents taught me that God loves me and they exemplified that unconditional love to me and to others.
My parents taught me a strong work ethic. They taught me how to work hard and stand back and observe the job and be proud of work well done. Our home was always spotless and our big yard always green, leaves were raked, and weeds were pulled. Our clothes were clean and ironed (I learned to iron by standing on a chair when I was about seven). We even ironed pillow cases and handkerchiefs. My Dad got up when it was dark and would pour and stamp cement or lay bricks. My mother’s hands were always busy doing something substantial.
My parents showed me how hospitality works and that opening your home brings in happiness and laughter. They hosted many Navy boys in the fifties, sixties, and seventies in San Diego. Our house became their home away from base. They also hosted a Vietnamese couple and their four girls after the Vietnam war was over. They were like family to my parents and was honorary grandparents to their daughters. My parent’s retirement gave them more of an excuse to host old friends and family from all over the United States. Their home was busy.
My mom and dad showed me how to plant and to grow things. They had been farmers before I was born and they continued to plant a huge garden each year. My parents canned and froze the produce from it. We ate very well and gave a lot of food away.
My parents showed me how to share. They gave their money and time to help others. My parents tithed ten or more percent of their income. They always had plenty. My Dad gave time to help others pour cement, or plant, or visit the sick. My mom volunteered in the community. She taught ESL classes for years. She taught Sunday school for years. In her late seventies she was the youth leader at her church. She even showed them how to ‘rap’.
My parents showed me how to laugh at hardship. They would always plug through life’s disappointments by being faithful and mindful of their blessings. My parents were not rich but had some retirement money invested ‘all in one basket’. They lived off of the interest of that money along with their social security check. They lost all of their investment, because unknown to them, it was invested in a pyramid scheme. They did not get angry, and made up their minds to not worry. They tightened their belts and were happy and content to continue to live well, and to contribute as they always had to the church and to the community. They really never missed a beat.
My mom taught me the value of study and reading books.
My dad showed me the value of learning from life and from work.
My mom showed me how to be a lady and to be well groomed. She learned and practiced graciousness. She was never rude to people in retail settings or social settings, even if they were rude to her. As her life progressed she became proficient at being gracious. She always was groomed well and looked her best when she went out. Because of her I will have a fairly new pair of high heeled shoes in my closet and wear earrings every day. I also always wear perfume, because that is what she did.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, my Dad taught me how to take someone off at the knees. He told me to pick up a brick and hit someone if they gave me any trouble. He didn’t want me to be hurt by others, so he gave me tools to take care of myself. I am, by his license, a warrior woman. I still struggle with these opposite teachings today. However, I have learned that life is a balance and that there is a time for everything under the sun. I can still hear my mother saying, “now Susie, be sweet”, and my dad saying, “kick their ass and don’t take any crap”. After much therapy, I am somewhere in the middle. I did learn that graciousness is a more powerful tool than might.
My mom taught me the importance of correspondence and friendship. She had a big family and lots of friends. She wrote letters nearly every morning. My mom had girlfriends her whole life. I saw the value in friendships because she had an outlet other than Dad or church. She had people to go to functions with or to lunch with. She had people she could confide in for problems or for support. She was a good friend and taught me the importance of knowing good people.
My dad taught me how to pray. How precious is that?
My dad showed me how to become steady after years of teetering on the edge. He changed over night from being one kind of man and father, to better kind of man and father. It was astonishing even to me as a five year old.
My dad was at ease in his body. I have never felt that myself, but I often think about how he moved so gracefully. He was easy in his movements even though he was a very big man. He always looked relaxed.
My mom showed me that it is fun and exhilarating to paint even though you might not have all the skills at first. She taught me how to draw when I was very young. I found much pleasure and escape in drawing most of my life.
My mother showed me that music and singing is a good thing to enjoy and to use as a way of coping.
My parents taught me discipline and self-discipline.
My parents showed me love in very different ways. My mom did things to show her love. She would spend days and weeks planning for my homecoming what she would cook and what we would do. Mom could look her love at you. She looked at me with love. My dad would hug me so hard and kiss me and say, “I lu-uv you! He could make two syllables out of the word love.
Orvel and Eula
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